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10 warning signs that you may be
experiencing relationship abuse
To print a version of the warning signs and tips for dealing with relationship abuse, click Teen Relationship Abuse Tip Card. If the signs below sound familiar to you, click Tips for Dealing with Relationship Abuse.
Does your boy/girlfriend…
1. … Act jealous? Everyone feels jealous from time to time, but if your partner tells you who you can hang out with, what to wear and how to act, they aren’t showing affection. They are being controlling.
2. … Threaten you, or someone or something you care about? Making threats is not okay, even if someone says they are “just playing.” Threats are a form of verbal and emotional abuse and can be physical, sexual or financial. Whether someone threatens to hurt you, someone you care about, a family pet or some other animal in order to gain power over you, it is serious and no joke.
3. … Threaten to hurt himself or herself? “If you break up with me, I swear I’ll kill myself.” Some people think that wanting to die for your partner is romantic, but threatening suicide in order to manipulate someone in a relationship is anything but sweet -- it’s emotionally abusive.
4. … Pressure you sexually? There is a difference between flirting and hurting. Flirting is consensual, meaning both people know what they’re doing -- and they both feel in control. If your boy/girlfriend talks to you, touches you, or forces you to have sex against your will, that’s sexual abuse, not love.
5. … Act physically aggressive towards you? Most people think that being in an abusive relationship only means getting punched. And while hitting someone is abusive, if your boy/girlfriend doesn’t respect your physical space in any way, that’s abusive, too. Tickling, holding, grabbing, pinching, shoving... if you don’t want it, it’s all abuse.
6. … Steal money or possessions from you, or intentionally break something valuable of yours, like an iPod or jewelry? The item could be as expensive as a gold necklace, as small as a lucky penny, or as important as asthma medication; the point is, it’s yours, and no one -- even a boyfriend or girlfriend -- has the right to take or break it
7. … Harass you? Spreading rumors and lies about you, embarrassing you by insulting you or putting you down in front of friends, threatening to “out” you to family members if you’re gay, lesbian or bisexual, sending you unwanted emails or instant messages, calling you on your cell or home phone number at any time of day or night. These are all forms of harassment and are meant to be intimidating.
8. … Stalk you? Stalking isn’t something that just happens to famous people. It can happen in a dating relationship, too. Sending you unwanted messages or gifts, following you to or from home, work or school, leaving you threatening messages on your voicemail or computer -- these are all signs of stalking, which is not only abusive, it’s against the law, too.
9. ... Isolate you from people that you may usually count on for support, like friends or family? Wanting to spend time with you is one thing, wanting to spend all of his or her time with you and not wanting you to spend time with anyone else is another.
10. … Blame you for abusive behaviors? “If only you would do what I tell you,” “I only do it because I love you,” or “You made me do it, I didn’t have a choice,” are a few excuses that are used to justify abuse.
If your boy/girlfriend is doing anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, pay attention -- it could be a warning sign that something about her/him and your relationship is not right. Abuse can escalate over time, becoming more frequent and severe, and after a while it may seem harder to leave an abusive relationship.
Click here for some Tips for Dealing with Relationship Abuse if you are or think you may be in an abusive relationship.
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