Christian Burgess started ‘out’ working with teens and young adults as a peer leader himself, with Time Out Youth- an LGBT youth organization in Charlotte, NC.  He moved to NYC in 1997 to attend the Hunter College School of Social Work, and although now he is ‘a little older...’, as Director of School Programs for Safe Horizon he still believes that youth activism and education are the keys to ending  all violence. Alexandra Santana’s passion for working with youth started early on, when as a high school student in Puerto Rico, she realized that teens were not getting the ‘real’ information and services they needed. She has worked with young people in after-school programs, teen centers and domestic violence agencies; and is now the Social Worker at MS 45 School Program, where she continues to support, educate and organize young people committed to ending violence.

January 4, 2008

Q: My abusive boyfriend goes to the same school as me.  I’m trying to break up with him, but he doesn’t make it easy- he follows me around the school and makes a scene if I talk to my friends for “too long”.  I tried to break up with him once but he told me he would kill himself if we ever broke up. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him, but I don’t want to be with him anymore. What can I do?
Jocelyn, 15, Brooklyn

Alexandra: It takes a lot of courage and strength to recognize and decide to end an abusive relationship. Getting out of an abusive relationship can be very hard, especially when people go to the same school or live in the same community but it is possible.  Often abusive partners become more controlling or more pleasing when their partners try to break up with them. This can be a time when you partner might try to scare you into staying with him and/or try to show you he has changed.

Christian: It might be a while before your partner stops trying to control and intimidate you into continuing the relationship. It’s very important that you look for support and talk to people that you trust about what’s going on. It might be particularly important to talk to a trusted adult- like your parents, counselors or teachers so they can help you plan different ways to stay safe inside and outside of school.  This is called ‘safety planning’, and you can find more information and tips on this here.

Alexandra: It seems like you care about your boyfriend’s well being and are concerned about what he might do if you break up with him. Some abusive boy/girlfriends threaten to hurt themselves or others if the relationship ends, as a way to keep their partners by their side. Remember that you have the right to choose which relationships you’re in. No one should be manipulated into staying in a relationship. You are not responsible for your boyfriend’s abusive behaviors and you are not responsible for what he might choose to do if you break up with him.

Christian & Alexandra: Relationship Abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of age, race, religion or sexual orientation (gay, straight, or bisexual).  If you or someone you know is- or thinks that they might be in an abusive relationship, get help! Call the Safe Horizon Relationship Abuse Hotline at 1-800-621-HOPE (TDD: 1-866-604-5350).

We all deserve to live free from abuse and have loving, healthy relationships!

October 29, 2007

Q: My boyfriend hits me all the time in front of his friends.  Lately I have been very depressed- not wanting to eat, & I can't even sleep.  When I don't call him he waits until he sees me and then punches on me badly....what do I do?

View Christian & Alexandra's response